JustAdvice

Dear Pro­ba­tion Officer,

My 14 year old daugh­ter was recently arrested. She says she only admit­ted to the police because she was afraid. She is home now and we’re try­ing to get her life back on track but I’m upset by all of this and we still have to face Court.  I would like to see the charges and ask some ques­tions of my own, espe­cially since she is inno­cent. How can I do that, and what should I be asking?

Dear Reader,

If your daugh­ter has an attor­ney, that per­son has a right to “dis­cov­ery,” which should include all of the evi­dence against her.  Your daughter’s attor­ney can fill you in on per­ti­nent details and give you a clear pic­ture of how the pros­e­cu­tor became con­vinced your daugh­ter com­mit­ted a crime.

You don’t say whether she has already been charged, but since you men­tion Juve­nile Court, I assume a Peti­tion has been filed. The Peti­tion is the for­mal writ­ten charge pre­sented by the Dis­trict Attor­ney to the Court and it out­lines the spe­cific offenses they believe they can prove.

You men­tion ask­ing ques­tions of your own, and you, as a par­ent, may cer­tainly do so. How­ever, the first per­son I sug­gest you ques­tion is your daugh­ter, and there are sev­eral things you def­i­nitely need to ask, if you haven’t already done so.  You also need to ask them ratio­nally, with as lit­tle emo­tion as pos­si­ble. Don’t accuse – ask.

It’s the old Who, What, Where, When and Why field of inquiry, and you need to insist on straight, detailed answers.  Ask her where she was, when she was there, why she was there, who she was with and what she did. Do not accept vague answers. Be spe­cific in your ques­tions and insist that she be spe­cific in her responses.

Let your daugh­ter know you want the truth, even if it means she and/or her friends did some­thing wrong.  You can always work with the truth, but don’t go into this thing fight­ing blind on the assump­tion that your daugh­ter didn’t break the law. We already know the evi­dence sug­gests she did.  If you refuse to look at the facts, it will only drag things down and give the impres­sion that you are a weak link in the chain.  You don’t say how seri­ous the charge is, but I assume it isn’t a seri­ous felony since she was allowed to go home.

Most teenagers have a lapse in good sense at least once. They are with friends, they are tast­ing free­dom, hav­ing fun, and they make errors in judg­ment, or they are with the wrong peo­ple at the wrong time. The Juve­nile Jus­tice sys­tem rec­og­nizes this and is designed to take them through with as lit­tle per­ma­nent dam­age to them­selves, or oth­ers, as pos­si­ble. How­ever, juve­niles are still oblig­ated to make vic­tims whole and to accept respon­si­bil­ity for their actions, includ­ing what­ever pun­ish­ment is appropriate.

After she answers your ques­tions, if you are con­vinced, log­i­cally, that your daugh­ter is inno­cent, work with her attor­ney to seek dis­missal of the charges, or an acquit­tal.  The attor­ney will tell you what to do.  If she is found guilty, work with the author­i­ties and coop­er­ate with the treat­ment plan. That is the best way you can help your daugh­ter through this experience. 

Defend her when she needs defend­ing, but make her face any wrong­do­ing.  That’s the only way this can have a pos­i­tive outcome.