Like most people who face an unknown challenge, new probation officers sometimes forget that it takes a while to develop their own “styles.” Although he didn’t say so during his training, one officer later admitted that he hadn’t believed there was such a thing as his own technique. I had warned him not to try to copy anyone else, but he didn’t have the confidence to be himself, so he spent a long time trying to imitate others. It made him second-guess everything, and even had him questioning his choice of careers.
When other, seasoned officers arrested probationers whom he would have only warned, he assumed he must be a pushover. If officers ignored behavior he would have sanctioned, he assumed he must be too punitive. He fretted over the fact that he wasn’t like So-and-So, and was uncomfortable with tactics used by What’s-his-name, but he never questioned them because they must be right and he must be wrong. After about two years on the job he began to observe other officers’ actions and think, “I wouldn’t have done it that way,” and he finally found the freedom to try methods that were uniquely his own. He suddenly realized they worked – for him.
Young people are particularly prone to think they have little to offer, so they agonize over every little mistake. They rarely give themselves the benefit of the doubt because they are vulnerable and haven’t yet found their niche. I think it is that uncertainty that drives some teenagers to idolize people who seem to have it all together.
We’ve all been tempted, especially while growing up, to ape that really graceful walk of the school’s beauty, or that cute little laugh of Miss Popularity. Unfortunately, on me, the saunter looked like a stumbling drunk and the giggle came out as a snort. Like wearing the wrong suit of clothes, trying to emulate someone else is very uncomfortable. It also looks pretty goofy and usually has a negative effect. Copycat personalities don’t hold up well. They fold under pressure because they have no depth.
It’s too bad, but a lot of people are more than happy to point out that their way is the only way and anything else is useless. Their attitudes can make it very difficult, at fifteen or fifty, to be ourselves. They can be very convincing, too, and the poor people who believe the ruse usually resort to mimicry, even when it doesn’t fit. The sad fact is, pretending to be something we’re not only increases the likelihood of failure and disappointment. Authenticity, on the other hand, increases the chances of real success.
