While eating lunch, I could hear the people at a nearby table talking about how to get around some rules. I wasn’t eavesdropping, it’s just that the gist of their conversation could be heard by anyone within earshot, whether we liked it or not. One man’s statement eventually rose above the din. He said, “And don’t feel guilty, because everybody does it!”
It reminded me of that bumper sticker, “Just DO it!” (and then, for goodness sake, don’t feel guilty about it). My question is, “Why shouldn’t you feel guilty, if you’ve just done something you’re not supposed to do?’ It doesn’t matter that you have been joined in the activity by lots of other people who think there is moral safety in numbers.
It is true that some people feel guilty when they shouldn’t, about things over which they have no control, or because they can’t forgive themselves for something they once did. Those people do need to be encouraged to stop beating themselves up. However, when people are told not to feel guilty in order to justify misconduct, it is illogical, as well as fraudulent. If we have to tell ourselves not to feel bad about what we are doing, maybe there is a wee, small voice within us that is suggesting we might possibly be doing something wrong.
One of the worst yardsticks we can use to measure the appropriateness of behavior is whether a lot of people are doing it. Remember Mom asking, “Well, if everyone jumped off a bridge, would that mean you should do it, too?” Too many people have been fooled by mass hysteria or fads, making us feel safe because there are so many other people to hide behind. We deceive ourselves into thinking our misdeeds can literally get lost in the crowd, but they can’t. Not really, and certainly not for long.
There is another possibility, too. It is possible that not everyone is actually doing what that fellow in the restaurant thinks they are, and that his statement really amounted to, “I think it’s okay, therefore everybody must be doing it.” We humans can be pretty good at fooling ourselves. So maybe he knows three or four people who do it. That’s hardly a majority. It’s also a so-what when it comes to morality.
I’m not looking for consensus here, anyway. If it’s bad, it’s bad, no matter how many people are joining in. Throughout history, people have done outrageous things in droves, egged on by each other, justifying their behavior through each other, determined to ignore the guilt that nags at them in the night.
I suppose the best way to decide how to behave is simple. When in doubt – don’t.
