A radio ad tells parents how important it is to talk to their children about drugs. In the conversation, a father timorously approaches his son, to have “the big drug talk,” only to find that the boy already knows all about them. The father’s attempt is obviously too late.
When Dad asks how the boy knows so much about drugs, he replies, nonchalantly, that he learned everything from his friends. The message of the ad is, of course, that he would have been better off hearing it from his dad, had Dad made the effort and done so in time. Throughout the dialogue between the two, it is obvious the son knows a whole lot more than Dad about drugs, and the implication is that it is probably knowledge born of experience or, at least, from direct observation.
It is true that the issues of substance abuse and morality in general should be adressed by parents, but they are not topics that can be covered in one well-timed chat. A parent cannot simply call Junior into the den, have a timid ten-minute conversation and expect it to prepare him for today’s world.Meaningful teaching is an on-going process, and it begins early. Children emulate our examples. Every time we make a comment, they hear it. Every time we take an action, they see it. They learn from family stories and activities, all the while developing a sense of who they are and what is expected of them. Parents are constantly interpreting things for their children and they are doing it, hopefully, with positive information before the world can put a “spin” on life’s issues.
There is a catch, of course. If children can’t talk to their parents, they won’t listen to them. So communication and trust are uppermost if children are to ask their parents, and not just their friends, to explain and decipher the world around them. Example is important because if what parents say doesn’t match what they do, their children are more likely to copy what they see, rather than what they hear.
My suggestion is that Mom and Dad make sure “The Talk” fits in with their general approach to things – the tone the parents have set for their children all along. It won’t do for the parents to smoke a little dope and tell their children not to. Nor will it do to insist on clean language, when four letter words are the norm in the home. Telling siblings to “get along with each other” definitely won’t sink in if the parents argue constantly and perhaps slap each other around.
Warn your children about certain behaviors, and show them you mean it by making it a habit to match your actions with your words. If you start early enough, and are consistent, they will know how you feel and they will have observed, by your example, that you believe it enough to walk the talk.
