‘Parenting’ Archives
Those Inner Conflicts
I think I was in college when I realized that some of my inner conflicts - you know, those little arguments we carry on within ourselves - were the conflicts my parents had with each other. The Bud half of me would do something to embarrass or annoy the Esther half, and vice-versa, leaving me feeling I was wrong, no matter which "side" I [...]
House Rules for an 18-year-old
Dear JustAdvice, Our 18-year-old daughter lives at home and we give her a car and pay for her upkeep. She recently disappeared for several days without telling us she was leaving and we were frantic because we had no idea where she was or what had happened to her. It turned out she went away with her boyfriend. We want her to at least let us [...]
You Can’t Stand on Gelatin
These days authority can be a little wobbly--like Jell-O. It has a basic form, but when the foundation is shaken, it bounces all over the place. It seems to me that, in a crisis, many decisions are now based on what will upset the fewest number of people, or on what is least likely to be overruled. Good leadership is supposed to do what is [...]
Managing the “F” Word
An article in Mail On-line states that a high school in another English-speaking country has decided to allow their students to swear at teachers - as long as they don't do it more than five times during a session. The administration’s reasoning is reportedly that bad words are a part of the students’ everyday language and, by keeping a [...]
Bedtime for Teenagers — Revisited
I've had several queries to the blog asking, "What time should teenagers go to bed?" My previous post must not have given enough of an answer because readers are evidently looking for a specific hour. Well, if that's what parents need, there is a way to come up with definite bedtimes. We'll just apply common sense. (more...)
A Case of Better Late than Never
The girl was about sixteen and was in Court for a number of offenses, not the least of which was using her parents’ credit card to run up a bill of over one thousand dollars. Of course she had nothing to show for the money, since it had all been spent on friends and "having fun." (more...)
Does Emancipation Mean “No Rules”?
Dear JustAdvice, Our 18-year-old daughter lives at home and we give her a car and pay for her upkeep. She recently disappeared for several days without telling us she was leaving and we were frantic because we had no idea where she was or what had happened to her. It turned out she went away with her boyfriend. We want her to at least let us know [...]
The Blame Game — In Reverse
I talk a lot about parents who don’t give a hoot what their children are doing, but at the other extreme are the parents who can’t imagine their children doing anything wrong. They consistently cover for them, go to their defense or take the blame themselves, no matter what the evidence indicates. They should, instead, be holding their [...]
Parents Should Ask Questions
Dear Probation Officer, My 14 year old daughter was recently arrested. She says she only admitted to the police because she was afraid. She is home now and we’re trying to get her life back on track but I’m upset by all of this and we still have to face Court. I would like to see the charges and ask some questions of my own, especially [...]
Good Casework, or just Dumb Luck?
Dear Probation Officer, Our son was on probation for a while and we really had our ups and downs with him. The probation officer was very attentive, and our son eventually straightened up, but we’re not sure exactly what brought him around. We’ve talked about it a lot and we don’t see where anybody did anything miraculous. Was it just dumb [...]
