‘Probation Officer’ Archives
12 Step Forgiveness
Several years ago a man came to the probation office to see me. He was in a twelve-step recovery program for substance abuse, and said we had some unfinished business from when he was on my caseload, three years earlier. He apologized for how badly he had behaved and admitted that, at the time, he would go to any extremes to use alcohol [...]
What’s “Self Esteem” Got to do with Probation?
I think our fixation on "self esteem" has affected the way probation officers approach the problem of crime and has even contributed to our lack of success. The primary job of sworn peace officers, including probation, is to keep the community safe. Period. Assisting offenders is secondary to that mission. However, because we believe in [...]
Dissipation Shows it’s Face
As I walked through the Probation Department reception area one day, I saw a teenage girl waiting to see her probation officer. She was probably fifteen years old and was an absolute doll. Her face still glowed with youthful, dewy innocence and she had that miraculous appearance of a child on the brink of unlimited possibilities. I don’t [...]
Asking Inmates Who’s To Blame
A friend and I were walking by the Sheriff’s Office, re-hashing how the acceptance of personal responsibility actually gives us control over and ownership of our own lives. Although we now seem to have a large contingent of "perennial victims" in our culture, I believe most people still want to be the Captains of their Ships. As we passed [...]
You Can’t Stand on Gelatin
These days authority can be a little wobbly--like Jell-O. It has a basic form, but when the foundation is shaken, it bounces all over the place. It seems to me that, in a crisis, many decisions are now based on what will upset the fewest number of people, or on what is least likely to be overruled. Good leadership is supposed to do what is [...]
Bedtime for Teenagers — Revisited
I've had several queries to the blog asking, "What time should teenagers go to bed?" My previous post must not have given enough of an answer because readers are evidently looking for a specific hour. Well, if that's what parents need, there is a way to come up with definite bedtimes. We'll just apply common sense. (more...)
Becoming Ourselves
Like most people who face an unknown challenge, new probation officers sometimes forget that it takes a while to develop their own "styles." Although he didn’t say so during his training, one officer later admitted that he hadn't believed there was such a thing as his own technique. I had warned him not to try to copy anyone else, but he [...]
A Case of Better Late than Never
The girl was about sixteen and was in Court for a number of offenses, not the least of which was using her parents’ credit card to run up a bill of over one thousand dollars. Of course she had nothing to show for the money, since it had all been spent on friends and "having fun." (more...)
Does Emancipation Mean “No Rules”?
Dear JustAdvice, Our 18-year-old daughter lives at home and we give her a car and pay for her upkeep. She recently disappeared for several days without telling us she was leaving and we were frantic because we had no idea where she was or what had happened to her. It turned out she went away with her boyfriend. We want her to at least let us know [...]
The Blame Game — In Reverse
I talk a lot about parents who don’t give a hoot what their children are doing, but at the other extreme are the parents who can’t imagine their children doing anything wrong. They consistently cover for them, go to their defense or take the blame themselves, no matter what the evidence indicates. They should, instead, be holding their [...]
