My Week that Was
This has been a challenging week — one for reflecting — and the reflections have been good.
Almost 19 years ago I was allowed to write a column that began as bits of advice to people who were having to deal with the justice system. As time went on I added a few of my personal views, mixing in commentary and humor about life, in general. Before I knew it the column had morphed into a potpourri of information and opinion. I always tried to make it meaningful, based in common sense, and worthy of the time it took someone to read it. For those who spent a few moments each week, exploring my thoughts, I am truly grateful.
Now the venue has changed. Still, I can’t stop writing columns — at least not yet. So I will continue to sit at this keyboard and try to form thoughts, beliefs and feelings into meaningful words and comprehensive sentences. The blog may even include a journal, of sorts. With each post I look forward to real conversation, via your comments.
To my gracious supporters and faithful readers I say a sincere and humble “thank you.” I would be remiss if I didn’t add, “God bless you all.”
Does Emancipation Mean “No Rules”?
Dear JustAdvice,
Our 18-year-old daughter lives at home and we give her a car and pay for her upkeep. She recently disappeared for several days without telling us she was leaving and we were frantic because we had no idea where she was or what had happened to her. It turned out she went away with her boyfriend. We want her to at least let us know where she is, and we do not approve of her being sexually involved with this boy. She says she is an adult and that it is up to her, not us, how she lives her life. Are we living in the Dark Ages?
The Blame Game — In Reverse
I talk a lot about parents who don’t give a hoot what their children are doing, but at the other extreme are the parents who can’t imagine their children doing anything wrong. They consistently cover for them, go to their defense or take the blame themselves, no matter what the evidence indicates. They should, instead, be holding their children accountable for their crimes. Yes, they need to stick with them as they go through the process of establishing guilt and accepting punishment, but from enough of a distance that the child is the one paying the price.
Just a Thought: Greed and the American Dream
What, exactly, is greed? We hear a lot about it these days and I am convinced that, in some ways, we are looking at it the wrong way ’round.
We now assume that people who have money, or who own businesses, are just naturally greedy, particularly if they have “made it.” But, wait. Wasn’t that the American dream? Wasn’t “making it” the very thing that made people want to come here? Has the American Dream become little more than a hand-out? If so, who’s paying the bill?
Parents Should Ask Questions
Dear Probation Officer,
My 14 year old daughter was recently arrested. She says she only admitted to the police because she was afraid. She is home now and we’re trying to get her life back on track but I’m upset by all of this and we still have to face Court. I would like to see the charges and ask some questions of my own, especially since she is innocent. How can I do that, and what should I be asking?
Good Casework, or just Dumb Luck?
Dear Probation Officer,
Our son was on probation for a while and we really had our ups and downs with him. The probation officer was very attentive, and our son eventually straightened up, but we’re not sure exactly what brought him around. We’ve talked about it a lot and we don’t see where anybody did anything miraculous. Was it just dumb luck? We’d sure like to hear what you would say about that.
Dealing with a Stepson’s Misbehavior
Dear Probation Officer,
My stepson is becoming very disobedient to his mother and me, especially me, and I don’t know what to do. His father left them when he was still in diapers, so he never knew him, but he tells me I’m not really his dad and that I can’t tell him what to do. I married his mother about a year ago. He’s 14 now and we think he needs a firm hand before he gets into serious trouble. Can you give us any advice?
When Should Teenagers go to Bed During the Summer?
I would like to know your opinion on bedtime for teenagers. I think 1:00 AM is reasonable during the summer, but they prefer to stay up almost most of the night, watching TV and playing video games. Consequently, they sleep all day and are usually on the “wrong side of the clock.” This causes problems with meals and other functions of the family. I believe there should be limits and that the rules of life are there for the good of everyone. I’m sure the problem is not unique to our family.
A Rough Profile of Delinquents
For the last few months I have been reading a lot of juvenile Court reports. From all of those case histories I put together a very unscientific profile of the typical juvenile repeat offender, at least those who reside in a medium-sized town in California.
Don’t Tell I Told
When the probation officer returned from lunch, Mrs. R. had left another voice mail message on his telephone. She was always double-dealing regarding her daughter, who was on probation for theft. He had no desire to hear the latest scheme, but he dialed the number anyway.
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